My Breast Leak White Gold

Anyone who has had the awesome opportunity to nurse their beautiful bundle of joy knows how incredibly gratified it can make the mother feel. The pride that comes from knowing you’re making the best decision to nourish your baby the best way possible is overwhelming. Personally, I am continuously amazed at what my body can do. Two and a half years ago, I was a plain Jane, and now I’m a Superwoman!

The benefits of breastmilk are widely known. It’s attributed to a higher IQ, a stronger immune system and even thought to counter future obesity. We know if makes baby have a clearer, more even complexion, better vision and less ear infections. It even lessens the chance of the mother getting breast cancer, but the wonders of breast milk do not end there.

In the November/December issue of Mothering magazine, I learned I am a walking, talking medicine chest. My breasts leak white gold! I’ll make sure to keep that in mind the next time my shirt is soaked at a socially crippling time. It can be used for eye and ear infections, sore throats, diaper rash, stuffy noses and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

The study in the magazine suggests using it as an acne treatment. I couldn’t wait to try this out on my husband, Grant, and his huge pulsing pimple. I expressed a little on a cotton ball and viola! Overnight it was gone. Watch out Neutrogena!

Presently I have a cold, that doesn’t diminish my superpowers! Since my breast milk has the exact antibodies needed to fight this particular strand, I carry a vaccine for my family. My mom is a little squeamish about breast milk. She has this fear that I’m going to become drunk with my breast milk power. She fears she’ll wake up one morning to find me squirting her in the eye or rubbing it on her face, but after she saw how fast Grant’s pimple cleared up, she was a new believer. She asked me to help clear the rash on her back. Breast milk to the rescue!

Well, that’s it for now. I’m off to cure the world of all its ailments. With what, you ask? Why, with my breasts, of course! Who knew? Join us next week for the thrilling adventures of The Wonder Boobies – next episode: Nikki and her trusty side kick Pimple Boy end world hunger!

The truth about postpartum recovery:

Well, I went for my postpartum check on Tuesday and everything is where it’s supposed to be I guess. I’ve lost 25 lbs. of baby weight, which feels great, but I still have about 20 lbs. to go. The good news is that since I’ve past the 6 week mark, I can start “really” exercising... the bad news is I don’t wanna. But if I have any intention of fitting my giant butt into my old pants I better hop to it. It should be interesting because I’m breastfeeding so I can’t diet, but I’ll do my best to eat sensibly.
I think the thing that shocked me the most about the last 6 weeks is that I really needed rest. I bounced back quickly after labor...or so I thought. I was walking around the next day. I was going to the grocery store by day two. I thought that all of the advice to rest was for older less active moms. Giving birth and taking part of an incredible miracle makes you feel invincible. I was fine. I honestly didn’t feel like I’d given birth. Then I crashed. When I say crashed I mean feel hard and I’m still trying to get up. Weeks of pushing my body to its limits finally caught up with me. So, this is for those twenty something moms out there…REST! Take my advice…you’ve heard it before: “Sleep when the baby sleeps”. That rule is especially important if you’re nursing. Because the truth is that everyone is sympathetic to a woman who has just given birth. Everyone rallies to her side to lend a helping hand. Everyone expects you to sleep and take it easy. After 6 weeks, honestly, being in your PJs all day just looks Super Lame. So take advantage and rest.
Being up every 2 hours is a bit daunting, but “they” say he’ll start nursing more efficiently soon. Then it will be shorter and farther apart. I like nursing him. It gives me special time with him. He’s almost 10 lbs now and it’s amazing to know that all of that nourishment came from me. The female body is incredible. Is there anything we can’t do?! Well, except peeing standing up...which let’s face guys…that isn’t really that special.

He's Slipping

My husband has gone CRAZY! Now first things first, I appreciate ALL of his help with the baby! He changes his diapers religiously… one might say he has become a Diaper Changin’ Pro. He tries to wake up with me during night time feedings to keep me company (emphasis on tries). He makes me breakfast every morning and attends to all of my needs during the day. He’s an incredible Dad and Husband. But I fear sometimes he’s losing it. Aside from cracking himself up while he’s sleeping and dreaming about diapers, he’s really doing some weird stuff. I guess sleep deprivation can really get to men. Maybe God made it so it’s easier for women to cope with the physical demands of a newborn. The other day he was sleeping on the couch with Cadyn. He got up to get something and I noticed that he was cuddling Cadyn’s feet! He had them all wrapped up like it was his head. He thought our son’s head was his feet. He was singing a comforting his feet! Now, I know that’s not normal! Another day, I awoke to find him picking up our 5lb. Chihuahua and preparing to place him in Cadyn’s bassinet. He was mumbling something about the baby getting out of bed and how he needed to put him back. I stopped him of course, but he genuinely seemed confused with why I didn’t want him to put the baby back. I fear he’s slipping. All I can do is try to get him to sleep more. It’s helping a little. I’m going to start video taping his weird little quirks incase I need it later for black mail. Who Knew?!

Sleep..What is that?

I need sleep. I feel so wound up sometimes that even when given the opportunity, I can’t sleep. This whole “Super Mom” complex is pretty LAME, but it’s like something I can’t stop and apparently can’t really fight. There just always seems like there is something for me to be doing..some task at hand that needs my attending to. It’s LAME…like I said, I know. The fact that I am even writing this blog right now is a perfect example. Here I am at 1:21 AM writing about how I need sleep. It’s a bit twisted! Grant and Cadyn are both asleep. The day is over and I’m here on the computer writing my feelings for God only knows who…why you ask? The Super Mom complex. I think it’s something all mothers either accept or fight and I’m not doing very well here fightin’! I just know that as soon as I lay my head down, Cadyn is going to need to be fed and it’s harder to wake up from sleep then it is to just stay awake. Believe me…many a night I get up in what feels like a drunken haze trying to breast feed my Chihuahua or rock him before I fully wake up. You know what..I’m taking the first step toward Super Mom recovery. I’m going to sleep. And if there are any other recovering Super Moms out there, I want you to do the same. No seriously…shut down your computer, walk away and GO TO SLEEP! Night.

My Little Angel

It's amazing to think that someone so perfect could come out of me! I think Grant and I are in awe we had anything to do with Cadyn coming into this world. Tonight I looked at him and was struck with sadness. I looked at him as he peacefully slept. He looked so content and safe and bundled up. That’s when I realized that I couldn’t keep him that safe forever. Someday he’ll grow up, feel pain, be tempted and I won’t be able to stop it. People will let him down and hurt him and this is all part of life. Someday a girl will come along and break his heart. He’ll cry and I won’t be able to rock him to a blissful sleep and make everything better. My arms won’t always be enough to comfort him. It’s horrible to think of, but the two people that he depends on most, Grant and I will even someday ultimately leave him and this world behind. It kills me to think that I can’t stop my little angle from feeling pain. And even though I know the day will come when he will no longer be calmed simply by the sound of my voice or my warm embrace, I’m going to live in this moment. I love to watch him sleep. It’s beautiful that he has no worries and no fears. We were given such a perfect and precious gift and I am going to cherish every moment I can. Everyone says “They grow up fast” and I can see it already. It’s odd. I had all of these things I wanted to accomplish; a check list “society” says I need to do in order to be “successful”. And yet, I’ve found what I want to be… a mom and a wife. As old-fashioned as it sounds, being Grant’s wife and Cadyn’s mom is my life’s biggest and most important accomplishments! Cadyn’s Mom…I like the way that sounds.

He's Here!!!

He’s finally here. Cadyn, my precious little boy was born July 31, 2005 @ 8:47 pm. It was by far the happiest day of my life. It’s true what they say…once you’re holding your little miracle, you forget about the pain. He is the most beautiful baby I’ve ever laid my eyes on. And I know what you’re all thinking…every mother says that. This time it’s true. He’s Gorgeous.
His birth was a bit dramatic. According to the records I was in labor 26 hours. Don’t I sound like super woman? To tell the truth 24 of those hours I spend sleeping, playing cards or watching movies. More to come on my delivery. But just know..it was PERFECT. My husband, mom, big brothers and best friend, Suk, were all there. Cadyn was welcomed into the world with so much love. My brother Chris even got to stare at the eye of the “beast” when he was being born. I know that he will never look at me the same. But, truthfully I walked into the hospital with all my dignity and by the time I was pushing Cadyn the janitor could’ve pulled up a lawn chair and watched.
Once he was out, we all fell in love with him. I knew we would all love him, but I was surprised how much J.J (my oldest brother) and Chris fell head over heals for him. I’ve never seen them look at anyone the way they looked at Cadyn. It was like an entire section of their hearts opened for him. He’s such a lucky little boy.
Grant didn’t cry, which surprised me. I think we’re both in shock. We were handed such a perfect package. I also never got stereotypically irritable like woman do on TV. If anything I was smiling too much. My need to be optimistic during trying times almost cost me my epidural when my midwife decided that I wasn’t in enough pain.
My only regret is that I don’t have any pictures of Grant cutting the umbilical chord. I also don’t have a picture of them cleaning Cadyn off. It was a crazy time and no one was thinking about pictures, but I would love to see it. I was too busy laying back with my eyes crossed sucking down oxygen to pay attention.
But, truthfully all in all, it was perfect. He couldn’t be more loved. Everyone was amazing. Grant and I worked through my contractions. Who needs a doula when you have an attentive husband by your side. I do remember thinking that I was unprepared for the pain when I was going through the climax of it, but we got through it. To be truthful, once you’re in that much pain…no one can do anything to get you through it. It simply hurts, but it was worth it. I’m actually looking forward to having another one. Other that the whole “sicker than a dog” thing my first 3 months, I liked being pregnant. I felt strong. It was amazing seeing my body change. I knew I was part of a miracle. I loved feeling Cadyn safe inside me and imaging who he would be.
He has a social security number now and a birth certificate. It’s crazy to think that the baby inside me that loved to keep me up and play soccer with my bladder has an identity now and can pay taxes. God is truly amazing.

I'm a gonna POP

Well, I’m 36 weeks now and I feel like time had flown by me. I can honestly say that after my 1st trimester, things have been smooth sailing! Half the time I don’t even notice I’m pregnant...that is of course until I catch a view of my self in a store window or wake up every hour on the hour each night to use the bathroom. Then I quickly realize that I’m about to POP! Stick a fork in me, I look done. It’s simply amazing to imagine that I’m finally going to meet that little one who has been playing soccer with my organs. I already have so much love for him or her.

Pregnancy has been such a miracle to experience. I can officially say that all in all, I love being pregnant…not that I plan on being pregnant again any time soon! My one wish would be that Grant could feel the baby the way I can. I love to see him eyes light up when he gets to feel a foot or an elbow. The baby already loves the sound of his voice and loves to kick and play with him. I wanted to make sure he could bond with the baby in vitro so he rubs oil on my belly every night, which is a pass time we have both come to love.

They baby is all I dream about…and what “they” say is true, these are the most vivid dreams of my life. Sometimes my dreams are in so much detail I wake up thinking I can smell our baby’s sweet skin.

Our bags are packed and we’re ready to go. It amazing to think that life as we know it is going to change so drastically and so fast. Grant and I want him to be as involved in the delivery as he has been during the pregnancy. He’s the closest thing to being a pregnant woman. He has heart burn, gas (a pre-pregnancy quality), and when I have contractions he’s abs cramp! He also has gained a little baby weight and can a bit moody, but we won’t tell him that. We have read every book on pain managing strategies. We know all of the breathing and massage techniques. I think we’re about as ready as we’re going to be. All we can do now is wait and enjoy each other before our lives change. I’m amazed in how AWESOME God is!

I want my body back!!!

I wrote this entry in my journal when I was 13 weeks. My grandmother's generation didn’t share much about pregnancy with my mother's generation. In turn my Mom, Aunts and other mother figures didn't share much with me. It’s a “Learn as You Go” Cycle, a cycle I plan on breaking with my daughter. All of my ordeals were more bearable when I shared them with other pregnant women and found that what I was going through wasn't only normal but common. I hope you can laugh and also take comfort reading what I went through:

2.22.2005
What is happening to my body? I am 13 weeks pregnant now. Thank God the nausea has gotten better. I just finished vomiting for no good reason, but we'll just add that to the list of things I can't control. I have read many books and watch a plethora of live births on T.V. All of which, one would suspect, would make me prepared for what is happening to my body. Not so, I'm ready for the birth, but the changes that are happening to my body are alien. All of a sudden I can't drink milk or eat cheese. Just the fact that I can't type that is a feet for me. During my 1st trimester I would vomit if I accidentally thought about these foods. Anyone who knows me know what a great irony this is considering cheese is my favorite food and anything that has cheese on it. Now milk goes sour in my stomach and always comes back up. I am also horribly constipated. I would give anything to feel a sense of normalness right now. I am not caught up with appearances. I am not one to cry over a growing waste or look at my watermelon breast with distain. I didn't even shutter when my friend (or shall I say enemy) commented on how my butt was growing. These are all things that happen to your body that I've accepted. After all, what soon to be mother wouldn't give up her sleek figure for a perfectly healthy baby. It's all of the internal things that I feel I was horribly prepared to handle. I wake up every hour now. If it's not to run the bathroom it because of the paralyzing gas. My smell is so keen; I would bet I smell things that even my Chihuahuas don't. I can't stand up for long. I can't take long hot showers because I over heat. And the most shocking of all....um FORGETFUL. That's right! The women with the photographic memory can't remember what she did this morning. I know Grant likes that. Somehow that more pregnant I am, the more I become him. Sensitive, Waist-less and Forgetful. These were not things I was warned about. I mean, I read that they might happen, but I didn't accept that they would happen to me. On a positive side, like I said before, I am not as nauseous. Thank you Jesus!!! I truly believed that the feeling of death every day was never going to be forever. I need to write some positive things about pregnancy to remind me that this is a blessing. A blessing that Grant and I have talked about for a long time. All I ever wanted was to have his children and start a family, so that's a plus right. It's just that when I pictured these wonderful months of my life I didn't picture myself on the bathroom floor hugging a half-clean toilet. No, that part was omitted from my fantasies. Another great thing is that my stomach is growing. While other women look at this and hate what's happening to them, I embrace it. I haven't gotten to have an Ultra Sound yet (the subject of a later entry) and my growing belly is the only connection I have to my growing baby. It's the only indication that she is alright in there. I guess that's another thing that I should be thankful for. I know in my heart and soul that Grant and I are going to have a healthy baby. It's not something I just hope, but I know it in every fiber of my being. I don't need any test to show that my baby is doing well because my faith is the only test that needs to be passed. I thank God for the peace He has given me about my babies well being.
Well, I think I should leave today's entry at that, before I go back on my "Poor me" monologue. Thank you Dear Heavenly Father for taking care of our baby. I know, as crazy as this pregnancy is that it is Your loving and able hands.

I HATE Hospitals!!!

Thursday we toured the Maternity Ward of the Hospital I will giving birth in. The facilities were nice, but I was reminded of one important fact about myself. I HATE Hospitals! I am absolutely horrified of them. I have plenty of faith in the doctors and nurses and I am not afraid of the procedures. I simply hate hospitals. Throughout the years, they have come to represent death and humiliation. Even though it’s the maternity ward, it’s had for me to see a hospital as a place where life is brought into this world.
All of the women looked lonely in the rooms. I really wish I was giving birth anywhere other than a hospital. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to give birth at home either. It just seems like a pretty messy choice. I just don’t want o give birth is a hospital.
During the tour, we found out some even scarier news. Husbands can’t spend the night during the mandatory 2 day stay. Could this situation get any more horrifying? It’s supposed to benefit the mothers and allow us to get some much needed rest. This is incredibly ironic because neither of us can get a decent nights rest without each other. Through the years, Grant has become my security blanket, especially when we moved to New York away from our families. I’ve gotten so use to facing challenges with him; I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to face anything alone. Having him with me would take away so much anxiety.
I will be able to keep our baby the entire time during our stay which is great news! Since Grant has to be out by 10pm and can’t come back until 7am for two days, that’s a total of 18 hours away from his wife and new baby. Anyone who knows him knows that this will absolutely be hell to him. It’s doesn’t seem quite fair. We’ve been pregnant together this entire. Every night for the last 8 months, he’s rubbed my feet and calves. He makes breakfast for me religiously every morning without one complaint. He has sympathy heart burn, back pain and has packed on a few extra baby pounds. He rubs my belly every day and talks to the baby and now, just like that, he’s shut out.
I know there is a silver lining to all of this. I’m a pretty optimistic person so I continue to search for it. In the mean time, I can only pray that my fear of hospitals subsides. I don’t think anyone really knows how scared I truly am. It makes me want to cry every time I think of it. I know that’s partially hormones, but I’m scared all the same. I know it seems irrational, but that’s how I feel. I guess I should have prepared myself for this some time BEFORE being 8 months pregnant and about to POP.