The NICU from Hell

I want to take this opportunity to let everyone know that the nursing staff in the NICU at Metropolitan Hospital as well as the HIV counselor need to be fired and have the pants sued off of them. The rest of the hospital, even the midwives who are all wonderful and some great labor and delivery nurses, needs to reevaluate their communication protocol. Let me just go ahead and tell the story.

The morning after Cadyn was born, I got up early and headed to the hospital. When I get there, I found out that the nursing staff in the NICU had been feeding Cadyn formula when it was our expressed wish to breastfeed. They didn’t even bother to ask Nikki if she wanted to formula or breast feed! Breast milk is far superior to formula and I believe it always will be. The first few days after birth, Nikki’s body made a yellow substance called colustrum that is essential for Cadyn’s immature immune system. At Metropolitan Hospital, they must not teach this to their nurses, because from the very start it was like some sort of conspiracy against breastfeeding. Hold on, it gets worse.

Later on that morning, Nikki had already pumped out some colustrum with the hospital pump, and she wanted to try again to feed Cadyn. A nurse came up to her and said, “You can’t breastfeed him, you have AIDS” AIDS!!! Can you believe that trash?! First of all, anyone who knows Nikki knows that the idea of her having HIV is ridiculous, but even so, it is completely illegal to say in front of anyone other than the patient that they have AIDS. The nurses and doctors said that because the computer showed that Nikki’s HIV test results had not come back yet, it was hospital policy to assume she’s positive and to administer medication to Cadyn and prevent Nikki from breastfeeding. Keep in mind that this was her second test at Metropolitan Hospital. She had already taken one when she was a few months pregnant. New York State requires all pregnant women to take an HIV test, so Nikki decided to just do it. The hospital wants you to take two tests during pregnancy, and she was going to get the second one done at her OB checkup on July 29th, but when we went in, they said her water had broken and she was admitted. She ended up getting a “rapid results” HIV test that same day. We had the hard copy records from her first and the second test showing that she was negative. It just got entered into the computer incorrectly. To make matters worse, the geniuses in the HIV counseling department decided against staffing the damn place on the weekends. It must be an idea among the medical community at Metropolitan Hospital that people never get or discover they have HIV on the weekend.

So, for the entire weekend Nikki and I had to watch and in some cases feed Cadyn formula. What’s worse is that he was administered a dose of powerful HIV drugs. Drugs he DID NOT NEED. We found out later that the drug they gave him doesn’t seem to have any long term side effects, but short term effects can be painful. In this case I really wish those doctors could “get a taste of their own medicine”. Nikki desperately went to anyone and everyone who would listen to her. Everybody had the same kind of attitude of “Gee that really sucks, and I hope it works out for you.” When Monday came and Nikki started asking around for the HIV counselor, one person actually said “No, I don’t know where he is, but if you find him tell him I’m looking for him too.” Can you believe that?! Why couldn’t that person just exert a little effort to find the stupid, lazy HIV counselor?! Anyway, Nikki finally talked to the head nurse in Labor & Delivery who is a wonderful and compassionate woman. Nikki repeated her story to her and the nurse dropped everything, told Nikki to go and be with Cadyn, and that she would go upstairs to straighten things out. What happened next was a glorious exhibition of ass kissing. I really hate that I missed it. The HIV counselor and the head hospital administrators came down to the NICU and apologized profusely. The cursed NICU staff were pulled aside as a group and told the news. I hope they all felt like idiots. One administrator even tried flattery and said “Oh, we should get a cute little hat for Cadyn!”…..freakin’ moron. What happened is they realized they were up crap creek without a paddle, so they reached in there hands and started a’ back paddlin’. One of them actually had the nerve to say “The fact is, Ms. Carroll we’re in east Harlem and the group with the highest rate of HIV is African-American females” Nikki said something absolutely brilliant (as usual) : “Let me finish what your saying….because I’m a black female you assumed that I had HIV.”

Believe it or not, the story is not quite done. Sure, the nurses had been updated…the day shift nurses. Once again, the wonderful communication system at Metropolitan Hospital led to a night shift nurse actually walking up to Nikki while she’s breastfeeding and pulling her breast out of Cadyn’s mouth!!! While she did it, the nurse said, “No, you can’t breastfeed, you have AIDS!”……IDIOTS!! They are all idiots!!! Nikki said “Your about to become the scapegoat for all of this, so you’d better go talk to your supervisor.” The nurse did and didn’t try anything like that again. Of course, she didn’t apologize, either. I guess that would be asking too much.

Well, that’s the worst of it. One of the midwives, Chris, came in and helped Nikki with breastfeeding technique. She even told me what I could do to help with a feeding. It was really great after all that drama.

Here’s the epilogue of the story: Nikki and I took Cadyn back to Metropolitan Hospital for one of his doctor’s visits. During the visit, we asked the doctor to take a look at two of Cadyn’s fingernails (they think he may have been sucking on them in the womb). Afterwards, she was looking through his medical record and saw that he was given the HIV medicine. She looked up and said “Can I ask you something?...Are you HIV positive?” She was nice, so I don’t want to ream her, but once again it is illegal to say that in front of anyone else besides Nikki, even me. Anyways, we got a chance to see Cadyn’s record where it says in black and white – “Mother was reported as HIV positive by mistake” We went downstairs on Cadyn’s next visit and requested a copy of his medical record. It turns out there’s an HIV activist group that handles cases like this. Nikki’s a stable person, but many others have had similar things happen and have committed suicide. Metropolitan Hospital should brace itself. There’s a storm coming.

Miracle of Birth

July 30th, 2005 8:47 p.m. This is a time and date that will be seared into my memory for the rest of my life. This was the day that my amazing wife brought life into the world by giving birth to our beautiful son, Cadyn. I have never experienced anything so exhilarating, exhausting, scary and joyous before. You can read about it a hundred times, attend all the classes and do everything possible to prepare yourself only to feel caught off guard by the whole event. One word of advice to future fathers out there… on your family’s big day, don’t be panicky and worried. Just make your wife as comfortable as possible and take it all in. Remember, these are the very first moments of your child’s life, and they’re never going to happen again. Another feeling I experienced that I should share can be summed up in one word – helplessness. When those bad labor pains set in, it’s all on her. You’re there as emotional support and…well that’s about it. I hated that I couldn’t do something to ease her pain, but nature’s demands cannot be refused, and nature demands pain during birth. This is true even if she does get an epidural. She did let me massage her calves and back at one point, but I found out that that was just because she saw the worried look on my face and she wanted to give me something to do. I am very thankful that I got to be an integral part of the actual birth. I held one of her legs while she pushed, saw his little head coming out, and even cut the cord (it’s tougher than it looks)! Because he’s an early bird by 4 weeks, Cadyn will spend a few days in the NICU and the nursing staff in there…well, they suck. At least the midwives were wonderful.

I'm a pregnant man!

Well, here we are at week 36 and I am amazed at the changes Nikki has gone through. What amazes me more is how much my body has changed. I mean, Nikki actually has the baby and hormones inside of her to explain everything. What do I have inside of me?.....chocolate, mostly. That’s right, I have gained a few pounds from my cravings for sweets. These aren’t normal cravings, either. These are “oh my gosh I’m going to burn up inside if I don’t get a taste of something sweet right now!” cravings. Also, these past few months have given me the worst heartburn I’ve ever had in my entire life. I have to make sure and get enough Mylanta for both of us. Aside from the physical changes, there have even been emotional ones that I’m afraid to admit to my fellow menfolk. I’m a sensitive guy to begin with, but I never expected myself to tear up at sappy commercials. The other day I saw one for life insurance that involved a little story of a father and daughter. It started with her as a baby and ended with dad looking sad at her wedding. I was a big ball of emotion. As embarrassing as this all is, I know I’ll make it through this with my masculinity intact….mostly.

Time is Tickin' Away

Well, the time is coming soon. Lately, I've been having a lot of daydreams about our baby. I think about little things, like what it will feel like to look eye to eye with him or her. People say that father’s dream about what their children will look like when they’re older, around 5 or 6. I do dream about that time, but I also dream about seeing my baby for the first time. It’s amazing to see the baby pushing out of Nikki’s belly. I think just now I saw and felt a forearm.
I just ran out a few minutes ago (at 1:45 a. m.) to get Nikki some tuna and crackers. Surprisingly, she hasn’t had a whole lot of midnight cravings where I had to run out. I’m going to top this short entry off with one of my imagined scenes from the future.
Little Cadyn (if it’s a boy) or Makaela (if it’s a girl) is sitting on the bed in his/her room, knees clutched up to the chest with arms wrapped around and eyes wide in wonder. Across the room, casting a giant shadow on the wall from the one lamp in the corner is Daddy putting on a one man show. Tonight, it’s his own rendition of Peter Pan, mixed in with a few new characters and plot twists (especially since I’ve never read it). Usually, Daddy does a story that he made up on his own about Knights and Princesses and lands far, far away, but tonight he decided to do a classic. Cadyn or Makaela loves this nightly tradition. Afterwards, the imagination has been stirred, and it’s time to calm down for bed. So, Daddy ends it off with reading a Bible story. This, of course, puts them right to sleep…unless they have a question about something being read, in which case we could be up for hours. All the while Mommy watches the performance and reading from the doorway, and even helps tell the stories. Daddy has a bad memory and isn’t always the best storyteller.
Well, there you have it - my own idea of heaven. I can’t wait.

Expectant Fathers

Women are some amazing creatures. They grow life within themselves for nine months and top it off with labor pains that would kill us men. Afterwards, they have an amazing bond with the infant that surpasses human understanding. That being said, I think that in all the hoopla of books, magazines, and websites about pregnancy & childbirth there's one person who's overlooked...that's right, daddy! Who goes out at 1 a.m. to get pickles and ice cream? Daddy! Who cooks bacon at 4 a.m. to quell mommy's ravenous hunger? Daddy! Who gets cursed at like a sailor during labor? You guessed it...Daddy!
Don't get me wrong, women deserve 99% of the credit and all of the attention, but it would be nice to at least be acknowledged for all the hard work we do. All I can say is, fathers - stay strong! Your reward will be when your baby's face brightens up when you come around the corner. Keep in mind the homemade drawings, ties and power tools that await you each Father's Day. Most importantly, remember these four priceless words that will hit your ear, "I love you Daddy".